Helping Someone with a Drug Addiction

It’s not always easy to recognise if a loved one is abusing drugs. In teens, for example, drug abuse can often resemble normal adolescent moodiness. Furthermore, there’s no specific amount or frequency of use that indicates someone’s drug use has become a cause for concern. Whether your loved one is using every day or every month, it’s the adverse impact their drug abuse has on their life that indicates a problem.

Signs your loved one may have a substance use disorder include:

• Experiencing problems at work, school, or home. They appear high more often, for example, and take more days away from work or school to compensate. Their work performance or school grades suffer, they neglect their responsibilities at home, and encounter more and more relationship difficulties. They may even lose their job, drop out of school, or separate from a long-term partner.
• New health issues, such as changes in sleep schedule, often appearing fatigued or run-down, pronounced weight loss or weight gain, glassy or bloodshot eyes, and forgetfulness or other cognition problems. Depending on the type of drug they’re abusing, they may also exhibit frequent sniffing, nosebleeds, or shaking.
• Changes in their mood and behaviour. Your loved one may be more secretive and lie about what they’re doing, where they’re going, or how much they’re using. They may be quick to get angry or lash out, especially if you try to talk to them about their drug use. Heavy drug users often lose interest in old hobbies, lack energy, and become more moody, withdrawn, and sad. They may even neglect their appearance and personal hygiene, and suffer withdrawal symptoms if deprived of their drug of choice.
• Recurring financial problems. Your loved one may run up credit card debt to support their drug use, seek loans, or ask to borrow money without any solid reason. They may even steal money or valuables to sell for drugs.

Starting a conversation with someone about their drug addiction is never easy, but it’s important you come from a place of compassion and understanding. Remember, no one sets out to become an addict. Drug abuse is often a misguided attempt to cope with painful issues or mental health problems. Stress tends to fuel addictive behaviour, so criticising, demeaning, or shaming them will only push your loved one away and may even encourage them to seek further comfort in substance abuse.

Discovering someone you love has a drug problem can generate feelings of shock, fear, and anger, especially if it’s your child or teen who’s using. These strong emotions can make communicating with a drug user even more challenging. So, it’s important to choose a time when you’re both calm, sober, and free of distractions to talk. Offer your help and support without being judgmental.

• Don’t delay. You don’t have to wait for your loved one to hit rock bottom—to get arrested, lose their job, suffer a medical emergency, or publicly humiliate themselves—to speak out. The earlier an addiction is treated, the better.
• Express your concerns honestly. Emphasise that you care for the person and are worried about their well-being. Offer specific examples of your loved one’s drug-related behaviour that have made you concerned—and be honest about your own feelings.
• Listen. Even when you don’t agree with the person, take the time to listen to what they have to say, without trying to argue or contradict them. The more your loved one feels heard, the more they’ll see you as supportive, someone they can confide in.
• Offer them information about how they can address their drug problem—whether that’s calling a helpline, talking to a doctor or counsellor, entering a treatment program, or going to a group meeting.
• Be prepared for denial. Your loved one may become defensive or angry and refuse to discuss their drug use. Many people feel a sense of shame when confronted by their behaviour and will try to deny they have a problem. Don’t argue with them, just revisit the issue another time.
• Avoid trying to lecture, threaten, bribe, or punish the person. Getting angry or making emotional appeals will likely only add to the user’s feelings of guilt and reinforce their compulsion to use.
• Don’t expect a single conversation to fix the problem. This will likely be the first of many conversations you’ll need to have regarding your loved one’s drug use. There’s no quick fix to overcoming addiction. It may take several conversations for them to even acknowledge they have a problem, the first step on the road to recovery.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to overcoming an addiction to drugs, and it’s rarely a process that’s quick or straightforward. While you can support your loved one and encourage treatment, you can’t force them to change or control their decision-making. Letting your loved one assume responsibility for their behaviour and choices is an important step on their road to sobriety.

• Adjust your expectations. Everyone is different. Recovery for one person may mean total abstinence from drugs. For another, it could mean cutting back or staying mostly drug-free. Being too rigid in your expectations can lead to disappointment and a sense of failure, even if your loved one finds stability in their life again.
• Encourage your loved one to seek help. While some people can quit drugs on their own, the more help and support a person has, the better their chances of success. Offer to sit with your loved one while they call a helpline or accompany them to a doctor’s appointment, counselling session, or peer support group meeting.
• Ensure they address any co-occurring issues. The problems that triggered your loved one’s drug use in the first place will still be there once they get sober. If they turned to drugs to self-medicate a mental health problem such as anxiety or depression, they’ll need to find healthier ways of coping with these issues without resorting to substance abuse. To achieve long-term recovery, it’s vital they tackle both their addiction and their mental health issue at the same time.
• Help plan for triggers and cravings. Your loved one will need to find ways to cope with drug cravings and triggers. You can help distract them with other activities or encourage them to learn how to ride out the urge, but ultimately, they have to be responsible for their own sobriety.
• Encourage them to explore new interests. Quitting drugs can leave your loved one with a lot of extra time to fill. To help them avoid slipping back into old habits, encourage them to develop new interests—ones that don’t involve drugs but do add meaning to their life. Think volunteering, taking up a new sport or hobby, enrolling in a class, or spending time in nature hiking or camping, for example—anything that doesn’t generate a trigger to use.
• Accept the likelihood of relapse. Despite your efforts and your loved one’s best intentions, the truth is that recovery often involves relapse. If that happens, encourage the person to recommit getting clean and support them as they try again. Try to stay patient. Each relapse is an opportunity for your loved one to learn from their mistakes and find a new way forward.

When someone you love has a problem with drugs, it’s easy to fall into the trap of shielding them from the consequences of their addiction. Referred to as “enabling”, you may cover up for the person, take over their responsibilities, put their feelings before your own or other family members’, rearrange your life to accommodate their addiction, or provide financial assistance when they’re unable to pay bills or get into legal trouble because of their drug use.

While it may seem that you’re being supportive, enabling your loved one will only help maintain their addiction—and damage your own health and well-being along the way. Of course, it can be extremely hard to say “no” to someone you love, especially if it’s your child, but protecting the person from the consequences of their drug abuse often means you’re removing the motivation for them to seek help and change.

To better help someone with a drug addiction, it’s often necessary to hold them accountable for their actions by establishing limits or boundaries for what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour. Without boundaries, your loved one never has to face the consequences of their actions—and you’ll eventually feel burned out from all the attempts to cover up, excuse, or compensate for their behaviour.

Establishing boundaries for a loved one abusing drugs, could include:

• Not allowing drug use, drug paraphernalia, or other drug users in the home.
• Not covering up for them if they miss work or school, not lying to get them out of trouble, or not taking over any responsibilities they’ve neglected.
• Requiring they pay their share of rent and other bills on time.
• Refusing to give them money to pay off debts or cover legal expenses if they’re arrested.
• Insisting that they always treat you with respect, even when high.

Your loved one’s recovery from drug addiction can be a long process and the negative impact on your own health, outlook, and well-being can multiply over time. It’s important you maintain a balance in your life to avoid burnout from all the stress and frustration that comes from helping someone get clean.

• Find support
• Manage stress
• Practice acceptance
• Maintain other interests and relationships